Praying for Her Bliss

Reposting from my Triond account...

For all those who could relate to this...

She is someone I chose to know personally. I resort to be acquainted with her because of personal reasons. She is a used-to-be to someone special in my heart. We had our share of talks, some I initiated and sometimes it came from her. But for quite some time, she had been my heart and mind’s predicament.

I know in my heart that I want to understand everything that she has done. Somehow, I allowed her to wound my heart. Coz I don’t know what I should do. For her, I pained her first, which is actually far from the truth. How did I know about it? She told me actually. And I told her that I can’t accept that. Because I never hurt her. And I’ve never taken away anything or anyone from her. Before I came to their lives, whatever they have, has long been ruined, has long been vanished. Because she didn’t took care of it. And now’s just too late. The “us” in them has already been a memory.

How did she hurt me? Hmmm…I wish she has moved on already. And stop doing things she should not be doing. I know that they are friends. But I hope, restrictions are on her mind. Someone has said to me that perhaps my special someone’s refusals are too light that she fails to see the warning signs that say STOP. Or she is just too willful that she only thinks of her own feelings.

There’s a point in my life that I actually detested her. I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or something. I guess I can call it instinct. I feel that she really hasn’t moved on yet.

But somehow the good side in me prays for her to uncover her own happiness. It’s so easy to utter “ I’m happy for you” (this is a line from her). But it’s so hard to make your heart complement with what you are saying especially when you say it without your heart in it.

I sincerely pray for her contentment, for her bliss. And I hope that if she found it, if she found her equal, she’ll take care of it. And never make the same mistake again.